SimplyCiara

So, I'm dramatic, and sensitive....this should be interesting.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Is it just me?

So, I have some questions. I am eighteen years old, and I don't do drugs or drink (yeah for me!) but I'm not going to pretend I haven't been drunk because I went through a brief time where I did. But, I choose not to anymore. I know this is a weird place to start, but stick with me, because I really will need some input. I guess you could call her my best friend, Anne has some serious problems with boys. SERIOUSLY. She needs one in her life all the time, so there was this boy that she's been trying to get over for like 2 months, and it still hasn't happened. He still comes around, makes out with her, and then leaves her feeling like there is something there but he feels nothing. So, there's the background. Anne today got drunk. Let me just say that this proves she's all talk. She's always been the one that is like "I won't have sex till I'm married" (that didn't happen) and "I won't ever get drunk- it's so dumb". And she's done that too! But, what scares me is that she didn't see what was wrong with it! Am I competely alone? Am I one of the only people that just doesn't get it? Am I going to be a loner in college? Should I just throw all of my beliefs away now? I don't think so! I know I can be strong, but it's hard when people disappoint. The worst part is now I've lost a lot of respect for her. It's hard to see the good when my vision is so clouded by her stupidity. But, I can't help but think, in all this, am I just jealous? I hope not. I don't want to be that ditzy zotch that a certain someone has become in my head. Could someone just explain to me how drinking seems to be what people turn to in times of depression? I'm not perfect, I don't pretend I am, I just have done the drinking thing, and found it didn't help at all. It just made it harder because I wasn't who I really am. HELP ME! I feel like I'm drowning and the surface is just out of my reach.

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy Independence Day!

Okay, so today we celebrated the birth of our nation! But, before I got to celebrate, I worked. I was a waitress and then I worked at the produce stand. I worked hard, and long, and I'm tired.

The produce stand wasn't everything I thought it was going to be. It was good, but more hard labor than I thought. When he asked me to work I thought I was just going to be like the cashier but I'm like the only person working, so I water, clean, and organize the flowers, fruit and veggies. I'm totally learning more about all that stuff though...I hope I like this job...

Waitressing today went better than my first day. I wasn't as stressed out, you know? It's a tuff job, you really have to use some brain power to please everyone and make money while doing it!

After work my friends and I went to see fireworks, and we had a BLAST. At first I totally thought I wouldn't be any fun because I was so tired and I really just wanted to sit around and have some food...but I totally got into it!

Fireworks are amazing! I am amazed that we are able to blow up stuff and see what happens whon we do, and even plan the colors, and the shapes! Call me a romantic, but isn't that amazing? And, isn't it great that it's a special thing we don't do so often? Well, at least it is in NY because otherwise it's illegal (although that doesn't stop some people...)

Do you ever do something, and then later wonder what in the world made you do such a thing? Well, today I realized that now that I'm working two jobs, I didn't even think to ask for one day off for myself. I guess it's not completely bad because what do I need a day off to do? I'm done working most days at 7 so I could just do something then, and even then, my friends don't really take advantage of hanging out together. I mean like sometimes I know I will just go from work to home, chill by myself and then bed. I guess I'm okay with that, but then again I guess I have to be okay with that. Part of me hopes that if I'm busy then I won't be bored, and I won't be a pathetic loser waiting for someone else to be around before I enjoy myself. Maybe if I become a workaholic I will enjoy every minute of time I am not working. Maybe, just maybe, that will work.

Part of me can't help but wonder are there people out there that are reading my silly blog entries? Let me know. Goodnight.


Sunday, July 03, 2005

Hi, it's me!

Okay, so today I got another job. I still work at The Triangles, but now I am also working right next door at the fruit stand! I'm really excited about it! It's a little crazy, because I went from having a lot of free time to having not much, but at least I'll have money, and I didn't want to get too attached anyway.

http://http://community.webshots.com/user/smiliesngrc This is the website for all my pics, so now they are all in one spot! SO EXCITING! I put a pic of me and my friend Meaghan. I'm the one in the blue...

Tomorrow, is the forth of July and I can't wait! I love holidays! Big or small I love them all.

Note: I'm not going to always be so perky, so don't get used to it.

In fact so you don't I'm totally going to go on a rant. I guess that's what made me sit down to do this anyways. I also want to warn people. I am a sensitive, and dramatic person which will make for some interesting blogs. I don't mean to offend anyone and I love you all seriously. And usually I'm ranting because I love you so much. So, on that note, if I say anything about anyone and you are offended, I'm sorry, and deal. These are my feelings. (I'm not sure who I'm going to tell about this yet...I haven't decided.)

Today after receiving my new job my friend Ni (not full name) and I went out to see a movie. We then went to B&N for coffee, talked until we got kicked out (apparently they close at 9) and returned to my house. Upon which Ni got a call and said she'd hang with this guy in like a 1/2 hour. After she got off the phone she asked me if that was okay. I'm not going to go into how I feel about that, but I am going to talk about what just happened. She hung up the phone after telling him she'd be there in a half hour, and then asked me how I felt about that. WHAT?! Obviously she didn't care if it mattered! She's so crazy. Honestly I do kind of care, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's like 9:30 and I'm in for the night. Maybe it's because I'm not a fan of the boy. Maybe it's because of the way she made plans with someone else while I was RIGHT there. I dunno. Call me crazy. I could sure use a little input out there.
Maybe she just takes me for granted. Maybe she wont soon enough...